Gender Roles on Christmas

For Christmas I am going to keep it light and happy. I have have a beautiful wife and three kids. Yes, this manic anarchist goes to work five days a week and comes home to a wife and a little dog named chico. He is a nine pound malshi. My kids are from an ex-wife who I will refrain from bashing right now. I get my kids every weekend. My oldest son is adopted and has aspergers. I have another son and a daughter. I have always been intentional about gender roles and the message I give my children in all of this. When my oldest son expressed interest for purses and other traditionally feminine things I did not shame him. I gave him the money for his first purse after his begging and he never bought it because he could not make up his mind just which purse he wanted. He ended up just getting his first purse for Christmas. Over the last year or two he has rejected feminine things. His interest is still there I can see by his reaction, but somewhere he has received a message that it is not acceptable. He recites phrases he has heard from others. Through this I do not push any gender specific roles on him. I only try to be supportive of his decisions in this. I hear far too many speak of how they do not feel supported in their gender from family and I wish for him to be able to say that he had acceptance and support in this part of his life. His language has changed. His purse is still around and still carried, but he has re-named it a satchel.

My other son is a big teddy bear. He has a brutish build and is very kind and emotional. I try to nurture caring qualities in him. I began giving him presents like baby dolls early. I have always taken a more maternal role in his life than most fathers. They have always seen their father doing the cooking and cleaning and other traditional female roles. This year my second son has asked for a kitchen for Christmas, and he is getting it. I try to avoid giving the boys only toys that are traditionally given to their gender. I want them to be more accepting of gender roles in general. My daughter receives the same treatment. She loves horses, ponies and barbie which she has and gets, but I have always bought her supreheroes when the boys get superheroes. The other things that my daughter loves are cars and balls. I often try to get her her own cars and balls so she does not get the message that these things are just for boys.

Really it’s not a huge thing, but overall I feel that I can at least show them a slightly more open concept of gender than telling my children that certain things are only for boys and others only for girls. I want them to grow up accepting and not bound by social norms of gender. I will say that they have not escaped these messages. They are in popular media and they come from friends, school and their mothers house. I may not be able to alter all at once the world they live in, but I can show them a more accepting and open way at home here with me.