By: Scott F | Oct 30, 2012 Featured
Brian was really depressed.His really ordinary Peruvian nudist village.He was facing layoffs at his job,his hobby had become stale as cushions and his wife had grown cold to him. They did come from different worlds.community of dinosaur friends with big tails.He wasn’t sure why he stayed in his job.He was nearly old enough to die and had considered it a few times but his old job led to his seeking out a shrink.Post traumatic white collar syndrome.He had a phobia of offices.Halloween too.This woman he worked with became really really into sanity, an extremist even and dressed as a pirate and killed people.When Brian felt low he wondered how the world was filled with normality and sensibility like that.
Brian was also sick of the voice dictating and defining what he was doing.Surely that was a role for someone with less sense and more puff on the bike pump?Least he had his hobby.He could do it during his lunchbreaks. It would never grow stale.It bloomed like blue muffins on a hillside.He was a e-racer racer. You might say he was an E-racist.He had trained up from the early days.He had drew today just like in his last few draws.He couldn’t understand it.His e-racer was so quick,so spritely.He returned from his yellow line shift home.Yellow thin line between order and crayons.His wife had a cracked pipe.She was stored.He felt like Boulders never understood his dinosaur ways.How did they know he was a warden without a wardrobe?
Brian was a bit of a pervert.Well he never thought so.But he was.He’d sniff people’s willies.His job as a traffic warden gave his access to cars.And so if a window was open with the aforementioned document he’d grab that inky parchment to his pulsating nostrils and give it a good whiff.The narrator now types till can consider a plot.
Brian returned home again.He felt like he’d contributed nothing to the day.He looked forward to nothing more than getting in to his wife.And being rejected.That’d help his mood.Tv was showing Mr pasty breastfeeding a dog. Maybe he’d vote on what he’d do for the dog next.Nah, those shows are rigged.You know he’s gonna make the dog join the Mormons next.That’s obvious.Oh yeah where was his wife.Forgot that part.Brian didn’t even give a shit.Maybe she was out. That’s not what I know…
The narrators plotting.Brian had heavy bowels like a sack of bricks.He did have an allegory.The picket did said it condemned nuts.Brian was going into work anyway even if his armpits sprouted white tips like he was broccoli. He was determined today he would figure out why there was job cuts.He’d slapped the other wardens for answers but no one unconsciously could tell him anything.scarred for life shorty arms.He tsunami’d into the head’s office. Really The head wasn’t in charge of no-body.The head was thinking about genocide for lunch,with some broccoli , the idea came from no where and if you believe that…This was his favourite.
“What do you want Steve?” said the prison warden.
“nothing much, head.Just wanna know why there’s layoffs.”
“well.It’s too do with this war we’re having with traffic wardens over in Honduras . We keep sending Carts to their planet but no one makes it out alive.Very costly.So we send more.It’s all pointless and that’s why it means so much to us.”
“ I completely understand that makes sense” said Brian. The head laid down the novel he was writing. Resolution is so easy when you’re short for time or space.
Brian offered to help aid in his war. He liked long journeys.He’d never been on a 5,000 year one before.He still couldn’t understand why his warden’s shoes were brown. With Brian quitting his job there was now a vacancy.But there was still layoffs Brian had a party to celebrate There was cake to wear and children to dine on.Sa-villas food company was the worst.
Yours truly is dressed in black.SEE.EVEN NOW! I am not alone.There are others who say it too.Don’t they? Yes they do.You understand.You know what I mean.You at least get me.Thank Chris.
Brian got home and went to the kitchen to make cereal.Where was him wife he wondered ,I guessed psychically.Maybe captured by sea horses he suspected.These things happen but are to be expected.
I slowly opened the door, chainspoon revving.. and cut the bastard in half… slowly-Well it took bloody ages.I was reading Lord of the rings and they’d got to near the crack of doom when the idiot finally split infinite.Brian felt really about this situation.He had no milk in the fridge he remembered.How awkward! He drank his coffee which tasted a lot like dying.Then the cup was empty..oral hygiene.
.I had to do it.I hate the role I’ve been cast in …No one ever asks how I know all of this…Just as the plot was being to make sense…