After sitting around for a month, working on the bus, the day is fast approaching when we will be leaving Escondida Lake and making our way to Texas. Having made a couple of trips into town with the wiring redone, and those not being 100% successful anxiety is running high. We still need to buy a few parts before we can hit the road and as always the money situation is tight. But I knew from the outset that it was going to be a “leap of faith” when we decided to hit the road. And even though the original plan wasn’t to hit the road until November anyway, I can’t help but feeling like I am running behind schedule. Probably because I am. Not the schedule of where to be at a certain time, because that doesn’t really exist except in my own mind. I want to be able to make it to the XL protests before the corporate assholes get everyone cuffed and hauled off, but as with all actions taken by the government on behalf of corporations, that could come at any second and I have no control over it. But I am behind schedule in getting everything in and on the bus ready to begin the journey. Back when I was younger and the only considerations I had were my own hedonistic desires, it was nothing to hop in a car or truck that I had traded for a couple of joints and hit the road with whatever cash I had in my pocket. I was always optimistic that the outcome would be fine. Today, older and with a family to consider, pessimistic thoughts cloud my mind. Not to mention I am out of smoke. That always takes me to dark places in my mind.
I have spent the last month worried about what is to come and thinking about all the places and people who I have crossed paths with. From the unschooling and homeschooling folks from my youth, to the people I have met in the last year here in this part of New Mexico.
I have spent most of my life in New Mexico and no matter where I am in the state, the people are pretty similar. From the very conservative areas along the Texas border to the hippie communes up North, the people are still all fairly down to earth. That might sound like a good thing, but in reality it isn’t really all that great. For the majority “political activism” means you vote for which ever of the two party system best represents your own beliefs. There are some notable differences though. Taos, Santa Fe, and Albuquerque actually do have some politically active groups, and a friend of mine in Las Vegas has helped to agitate there. But for the most part it is just the same ol’ same ol’. New Mexico is the fifth largest state in the US and down around 36th or 37th for population. Of the little over two million people that live in the state, nearly half of that can be found in the Albuquerque area. So, political activism in one of the other cities often consists of one person, with no one else to talk to.
Like most kids growing up in the state politics was less important than religion and not “pissing off the neighbors”. Also like most of the kids in the state, the first thing I wanted to do when I was old enough was get the hell out of here. And like another big portion of the kids growing up here, drugs were the only past time. My first attempt to leave here and head for greener pastures was because the DEA moved into the state and my lifestyle was very counter to their goals. I hopped on a little 550cc motorcycle and along with my high school sweetheart headed for the “great state” of California with little more than the clothes on our back. There was little concern for consequences or what “might” go wrong. That was back when I was ten foot tall and bullet proof. Today, not so much.
Anyway, here is good-bye New Mexico, hello Texas. I know everything will work out, just like to stress on it. Maybe that is part of the deal, learning to get rid of that stress. Seems like modern civilization requires stress to ever get anything done. Stress about your job, your bills, your rent. If not for that stress, what motivation would there be to get anything done? Fuck stress.