I hope all of you are well over the fucking election, and back down to earth for some reality check and are concentrating now on really serious issues, like Justin Bieber & Selena Gomez split or the CIA shithead who couldn’t keep his dick in his pants.
This week we also had the commemoration of the east Timor massacre (12/11/1991). Yes folks before there was a Bin Laden, Gaddafi or Hussein, the world had a much bigger terrorist, a terrorist named Henry Kissinger, and he’s behind what took place In Timor, (let’s not forget the Bay of Pigs and Chile), but to this cocksucker son of a bitch they gave him a Nobel Peace prize and is still enjoying retirement, But you know what they say, a terrorist with a Yankee passport goes a long way.
In the meantime while the USA is busy protecting its 51st state (Israel), their rulers seem to be taking advantage out of the situation and now is picking a fight with Syria too. Of course that was only a warm up type foreplay preparing for the real fuck they did in Gaza On the 14th. Er excuse me USA, but what are you waiting to go and deal with Zionist acts of terror???? Yeah right I get it, some are more terrorists than others, how fucking nobel of you. More bloodshed at that part of the world, and much more to come, just like everything else, Not all the Israelis are at fault, just like not all the Palestinians are the victims, it’s a very much catch 22 situation, But the truth of the matter is the zionists are the oppressors, and they are the ones getting support, not a very good policy in my books but what the fuck do I know, I can barely read the news nevermind comment on them.
In Scotland some ducks were stolen from a school, but eventually found and returned to safety of the school grounds, that’s a relief, with all going wrong in the world at least this story has a happy ending.
As for the rest of europe, for the time being they remain fucked without the pleasure, and Greece close to have sand in the vaseline, but this is only the beginning of the week, there bound to get much fucking worse, if that happen will be glad to mention.
Its been a terrible week for the so-called real Americans, you know the ones, inbreds who love the confederation flag, need guns so they can cope with a life with a tiny dick and no brains, think Obama is a Kenyan muslim communist and can’t get over the election results. So the story goes 20 or so states (where most of the real Americans live) are now looking for seceding, having as their spiritual leader no other than imbecile extraordinaire Glenn Beck. Personally I think is a brilliant idea, that will be like Jersey Shores meets Honey Boo Boo. I hope it works and make a TV show out of it, we all need a good laugh at this day and age.
Keeping on the same vein, KKK finest chapter found themselves ridicule to the max by a bunch of clowns. Talk about adding insult to the injury, as if been an asshole who looks like Ted Nugent at a klan rally wasn’t enough, then comes a bunch of clowns shouting ‘White Flour, white Flour!’ back at ya… Gotta love clowns for brighten your day…LOL
But its not all bad in America this week, we have yet another instalment of that money-making pile of dog shit Twilight saga, in case you wondering why illegal downloads are a cool thing. Oh and let’s not forget that our darling Octomom is in rehab for Xanax indulgence. Please have a heart and send her a card will ya.
I hope you all like the smell of GMO in the morning with your breakfast, as Monsanto is doing their best to fuck with everyone’s food for a profit, don’t worry America, after all your senate/congress/president is up for sale (as always been).
Italy is not the latest European country to say enough is enough, and getting into a pickle with the ruling classes, but meanwhile their former prime minister still nowhere near a jail cell, don’t you fucking love the status quo?
Well folks, I hope you all have a nice weekend, and don’t worry, next week will be more nice happenings to cheers us all up I am sure, ain’t you glad you are alive, and so many people are more than willing to fuck you over???
Joe the Plunger
At least now we know who’s calling the shots for the next 4 years, but have you notice any fucking difference so far? Yeah I know me neither, the shit remains the same, because people don’t like to venture much out of their comfort zone and it has to be one of the ruling parties forever and always. Will they ever learn I wonder? So I am sure we will have drones stories galore from your truly Gaza strip Apartheid sympathizer, but all in the name of peace right? So lets wait and see whats to come shall we? In the meantime I better get my dancing shoes on and finish my A.L.F. summary I started last week.
Structure and goals (underground & otherwise)
There are various formats of operation within the A.L.F., some underground other a bit more at naked eye, but all with no sense of hierarchy or ownership. All is expected is to volunteers to stick to stated aims when using the A.L.F. banner, which are as follows:
To inflict economic damage on those who profit from the misery and exploitation of animals.
To liberate animals from places of abuse, i.e. laboratories, factory farms, fur farms, etc, and place them in good homes where they may live out their natural lives, free from suffering.
To reveal the horror and atrocities committed against animals behind locked doors, by performing non violent direct actions and liberation.
To take all necessary precautions against harming any animal, human and non-human.
There are also some groups within the ALF group like ‘The animal liberation supporters group’, ‘The vegan prisoners support group’, ‘Animal liberation press office’.
There are also a magazine in the Uk ‘Arkangel’ and 2 websites; ‘bite back’ & ‘no compromise’ where members claim their actions.
I am really sorry but have to cut short this week as I still not well from the flu and I am trying hard here but full of temperature. so I let the links do the job for me…Have a good weekend and a great week…
NOVUS CANNABIS POPULUS CONGRETGATIO
THE TANTRIC MUFF INN TEMPLE OF JOY
Political pearls of wisdom according to
His Holiness the shitty guru Horny Krishna
With the elections approaching I decided to shed some light and inspirational positive thoughts to carry you through, because no matter who you vote for you are well and truly fucked so get used to it… Om Shitty Om
‘Democracy is the process by which the people will choose the biggest dick to fuck them over…’
‘Ancient Rome declined because it had a senate. God help you America, how fucked do you think you are with a congress, and a senate???’
We all would like to vote for the better man… But the fucker hasn’t been born yet’
‘Never vote for someone… Always vote against the pricks, meaning all of them…’
‘The US government is up for sale… and you suckers have no biding on it, just the right to fork in the bill’
‘People never lie so much as on a dating profile, job interview, a teenager caught smoking pot or a candidate before an election’
‘Does who vote decide nothing. Does who rig the counting of the votes decide everything’
‘Vote for the man who promises jack shit… He wont let you down’
‘Having free elections and then paying for the end results, its like paying a hooker to get laid and ended up with crabs as a bonus’
‘An election is nothing more the a gambling auction, organized by thieves, to choose a criminal to rob the masses’
‘Fuck bias, I don’t like or trust the democrats, and a good republican is a dead one…’
‘A politician ia a liar who can talk, representing a political party that’s corrupt, supported by a bunch of imbeciles who can’t think for themselves and love to be fucked over.’
‘If voting was any good, they would make it against the law’
‘The decisions are already made up for you even before you place the ballot’
‘You have the power to let them know, veto the vote… Voting counts for nothing”
‘Voting is overrated… Don’t believe the hype’
…and finally but not the least…
‘The only hope for America is a female president. But a real woman, not a chick with a dick like Sarah Palin, Condoleezza Rice or Hillary Clinton’
Om Shitty Om
His Holiness the shitty guru Horny Krishna
Like I said last week, I am now changing direction on my column, but this entry isn’t exactly in the new direction format, as I am waiting till the elections are over and done with. So next week when we finally find out which one of the 2 baffons is going to suck Israel’s cock in order to start a war with Iran for profit, I will be here to shed a new light on other things. I had planned for this week an interview with a member of the Animal Liberation Front, after all animal rights is a cause I hold very close to my heart, but for health reasons the interview never materialized, and with me having a great deal of admiration for the A.L.F., not only for what they stand for, but their methods of operating, I decided to go ahead and do a piece about the A.L.F. anyway, specially now in the awake of a new law passed in LA about all the pets shops been only allowed to sell rescued dogs (more should follow suit and put an end to breeding puppy mills), which I think its great news even thought baby steps, but baby steps in the right direction nonetheless. Apart from bringing more awareness on how animals are treated and what can we all do as so-called civilized humans in order to help every body (yes I ment to separate into two words) to live in peace and harmony, without exploiting other living creatures, who have all the right o live just like you and me. The other reason for wanting to do this piece is to clear a few things about certain myths regarding the A.L.F., specially referring to it as a terrorist group, which I find a outrageous, as I don’t see any of the A.L.F. members in the same league as shall we say; Bush senior, Henry Kissinger or Dick Chenney who I regard as fucking evil terrorists who got away with it, and still to this day enjoying retirement, without having to answer for, regarding all their crimes against humanity. Or the other animal terrorist Ted Nugent, who I’d love to see having a terrible death in my life time, because in every level he is the lowest form of scum there is, and the only reason he is a human being, it’s because he’s mother wouldn’t swallow. So in order for us to understand what A.L.F. is what it stands for, we must take a good look at it history, what it is and how it came to be.
What is The Animal Liberation Front?
At this point it’s an international underground leaderless resistance group active in over 40 countries that engages in all things regarding animal liberation, harming no animals or people with their actions but destroying property and facilities in the process. Removing animals from farms and labs, then arranging veterinary care and sanctuary when the animals can live the rest of their lives. If this is the behavior of terrorists, I think the world needs a few more of those brave terrorists to fight evil for the sake of the underdog (pun intended).
The history of A.L.F.
Its roots traces back to December 1963 in Devon UK, when Journalist John Prestige was assigned to cover some hunting event where he saw hunters hunt and kill pregnant deer. In protest he decided to form the HSA (Hunt Saboteurs Association), which involved their members turning up in hunting grounds with horns and pots and pans making noise to force the animals to run away.
By 1971 law student Ronnie Lee Join forces with fellow animal activist Cliff goodman and decided to form a more militant group ‘The bands of mercy’, with a few more activists, went on to attack hunters cars, by slashing tires and breaking car windows, designed to disrupt the hunting activities all together.
By 1973 the ‘Bands of Mercy’ heard about Hoechst pharmaceuticals building a new laboratory. On November 10 of the that same year 2 activists set fire to the place causing 26.ooo Pounds sterling worth of damage (nice one), and returning 6 days later to set fire to the rest of the place. It was the first known act of arson from the animal liberation movement.
In June 1974 another 2 activists set fire to some boats set for seal cull, in which was the last time the cull took place in the UK. From then on several attacks took place on labs, chicken breeding grounds and gun shops, damaging buildings and transportation (really nice indeed if I may say so).
By August 1974 Lee and Goodman were arrested for a part on an attack on an animal lab in Oxford. They were sentence to 3 years in jail, where they did a series of hunger strikes demanding vegan food and clothes in jail. They were pardoned after 12 months and after their release they were more militant than ever. After recruiting some new people, 30 all together, they decided to change their name giving more emphasis on the animal issues part of their activities. The Animal Liberation Front was born.
Next week I’ll be writing about the structure and methods of the group, but if you don’t want to wait, just got to Wikipedia and type Animal Liberation Front, and read all in there, after all that’s where I am getting this lousy summary for you suckers, but like I said before in case you haven’t noticed, essays are not really my thing, as long as I make more people aware of what we are doing for other living creatures, I am doing something right.
I will leave here a few web links for some sites you guys should take a look with much more in-depth about A.L.F., animal rights and veganism. Now I am not here to tell people what they should or shouldn’t do, but for the sake of a better and fairer world… If has eyes, you shouldn’t be eating. Animals have the same rights as everyone else. Whatever rocks your boat, if you need meat or fish that much, eat pussy or suck a dick… or have both, now there’s a meat/fish alternative worth having if you ask me, and has proteins too… just let the jiz run free… So have a think about and let’s try and make a better world for EVERY BODY.
Joe The Plunger
Horny Krishna here, and this week we are going to be talking about the wonderful art of doing fuck all. Like all the old sages before me used to say; ‘Why do something, when you can just sit there and do nothing’. Nothing like after a hard day doing nothing if you happen to be unemployed, to just sit there and be on the moment… Lighten a fatty, play some nice dub Reggae reading something light and blissful like ‘The anarchist cookbook’.
First of all you must have the right environment set up, to make the most out of the whole experience, for that you must make sure you have at least one room in the house, that is empty to the bare minimal, so you don’t have to clean up. Put all the shit in the other rooms, and fuck it, leave it untidy… There’s always tomorrow, to find someone to clean up the house for you.
In the clean, empty room all you need is: A good music system (if you can’t afford one, get one of your junkie friends to steal one and then you can buy for the price of a couple of speedballs). Some good chill out music (don’t bother buying any from your junkie friend, as you can illegally download out of the internet, easy as ABC, do a google and you are sweet), like Durruti Column, Augustus Pablo, The Orb, early Kate Bush, you know good stuff as there’s plenty to choose from (now if you are thinking in chilling out while listening to Kenny G, stop reading this and go away right now you pussy, you are not worthy of my insights, so please go away and kill yourself). An old couch (take a drive around with a truck even in hard times you’ll find plenty of those lying about, no need to go and get ripped off buying a new one), the couch you find don’t worry too much about the condition because if falls apart or gets one to many joint burns on it, you can easily replace it. Of course you can’t forget your yoga mat to lay on top of it, so you look cool, no other reason really. An astray occasionally cleaned (get the junkie fuck to do it, otherwise tell him he’ll have no place to crash). A reading lamp ( no doubt you’ll find it in the same place as the old couch on the street). A couple of books (get the junkie friend to steal a printer too, books are easy to download online free of charge if you smart enough). And finally, some killer weed to make the chill out experience more enjoyable (at this point I better remind you that before you go and do a chill out session it helps if you stock up your fridge with something to eat, otherwise when you done chilling you will not be in a cool frame of mind). Now you all set for a chill out session Shitty guru style baby… Enjoy!
ASANA OF THE WEEK
Now this is a very advance pose as it takes years to perfect, unless of course you are related to John Holmes, then you’ll master this in a couple of minutes, or better still if you are a woman, all you have to do is grab the dick nearest to you. Otherwise guys with a bonsai cock and an out of shape spine, you are in for some serious sweating until you get it right, if you ever do, but you know what they say… Practice makes perfect, so if you want to be able to suck yourself off before you die, you better start now.
Place your yoga mat in a flat surface, in a place where you wont be disturbed (Like your chill out room).
Switch on your computer and watch some porn of your choice and that rocks your boat., for about 10 minutes or until you rise to the occasion.
Now lay on your back quick otherwise you’ll lose memento.
Pull your legs above your had as far as you can, and see how far can you go (don’t get demoralized, but it will be a good couple of years until you’ll be able to see it, let alone suck it, and if you are a fat fucker, than you might as well forget it and go straight to the hand shuffle as you wont stand a chance in hell in sucking yourself off).
Well my children that’s all for me today, have a blessed week
His Holiness the shitty guru Horny Krishna
Om Shitty Om
I would like to say first of all this will be the last of this line of Joe the Plunger manifesto crap. When I first start doing this I wanted to be funny and informative at the same time, and ended up not been neither because I have the memory spam of a fish with Tourette’s, and tend to go all over the shop, talking a lot of shit and not saying fuck all, so I am putting an end to it. I was planning in keeping it going up until the elections were over and see which one of the 2 cocksuckers is going to ruin things up for everyone a bit more for another 4 years, before working on a new model of doing things but I just had it, so this will be the last on this format, then I will change the way to operate, no I me and my plunger wont go away, next week I have something especial in line as a last instalment and then from the week after I can move forward on a new direction for this column.
The new style will be a weekly summary of all the events I will be finding important to tear apart and ridicule, short snap shorts of all my pet hates and peeves, using my plunger as a magnifying glass to analize various situations, and as and as a megaphone to put my point across, and will leave the elaborate essays to whom can do them justice, I obviously can’t. That way I will be more in my element of doing topical satire. I try didn’t work, fuck it start over, at least I had a go, and no regrets here, was fun but time to do something better if not that at least different, so please bare with me if you can, otherwise go away, close shop and go crack one-off.
Joe the Plunger
THE JOE THE PLUNGER MANIFESTO
Oh dear religion… As a born again atheist, who was raised catholic, living in a bible obsessed country, I am going to have a field day with topic, so fasten your seat belts and let’s go for a theological ridicule ride.
In case someone forgot to tell you, THERE IS NO GOD… So get over it. Now if you want to insist in wasting your life in some sad fuckers fairy tale because your life really, sucks, go right ahead be my guest. There are 2 things I am certain in this life; One, we all gonna die some day. Two, there is no god. I think there are some religious people in this world waking up in the morning wanting to be offended, so to those people let me say this… Fuck you and fuck god!
Whatever his image, it was man-made in order to control you, so some people pretend to believe in order to make you believe. Sex is bad, drugs are bad but god is good!!!, Fuck that, that’s a shit deal, you keep god, I take the drugs and getting laid. I can just feel the force pushing me to hell… Good I am ready.
God, Allah, Dark Vader, Rubber Duck, Zeus, Vanessa the Wal-Mart cashier, Ibrahim, Buddha, Jehovah, John Holmes and His Holiness the shitty guru Horny Krishna, all gods, and everyone thinks theirs is the one, and everyone else is fake.
How can you explain god, to all the children starving in the world? God was taking a shit when he made you… How about all the Holocaust victims? He was high on meth at a gay party… How about, The crusades, holy wars, Rape victims, all the animals put on this earth in order to suffer??? What can you say to all of them???? I can only think of one thing: If god exists I hope his dick is long enough so he can go fuck himself…
But we all know there is no heaven or hell after death, it’s all here, all man-made, and he loves money, and doesn’t pay taxes, digs incest, but doesn’t want you to get laid, promises you 72 virgins after death, too bad I can’t join as I like loose pussy, and karma, and if you are a good boy and don’t lie you’ll get a crap biscuit on sunday after mass, to take away the taste of the priest’s dick, then there’s the U.F.O.’s religion, all you have to do is watch one of Tom Cruise’s movies and you blessed, then you turn your ass to Mecca, and crack open the red sea, and Charles Heston shows you the 10 commando’s or whatever that shit it’s called, and after that Jehovah lets you masturbate with a magazine while you listen to Prince, the Tao reads your I ching, and the Dalai Lama, teaches you how to play chess, and before you know it you shave your head, dress in orange and join the Hare Krishnas.
I gather at this point you are feeling all the positive energy that is flowing over me, I know what you thinking, yes I am a blessed man, said 3 hail Mary’s this morning with the 5 sisters of mercy around my penis and no Viagra… Thank you lord for small mercy’s.
But I would consider believing in god, if he paid me a visit, and said to me; ‘Here Joe, I know I was a bastard to you and gave you a shit life, so I am going to make up for it and do right by you, here’s a list and I will let you choose how you want to die!’, ‘Fuck you god, you really are a bastard, is that the best you can do for me?’ ‘Listen here Joe you fuck face, it’s take it or leave it…’ So I start looking at the list: #1 Train disaster (fuck that). #2 Eaten alive by a crocodile (damn you god, you sadistic bastard). #3 House on fire (dude you need help). #4 Food poisoning after rimming Michele Bachmann (man that’s going too fucking far). #5 You are to die in the company of 2 fat 80-year-old nimphomaniacs with saggy tits, 10 grams of Colombian finest, a bottle of moonshine, Vicodin, Newport menthol and some killer weed. One is spread open like a bald eagle and you are eating her out like a deleted scene from the movie ‘La grande bouffe’, and the other one is doing you from behind with a 30 inch pink strap on while rubbing coarse sand paper on your nuts… “Hey G dude, I think I found the one I want…’ “What?’ ‘No, fuck the rest of the list, this one is good, I am happy with this one, right up my street.’ ‘Are you busy tomorrow?’ ‘Yeah tomorrow 6 O’clock sounds good to me too…’ But there is no god, therefore this will never happen, and here we are, I have no idea how to close this now as i wrote so much nonsense crap here, but hey, what can I tell ya, praise the lord, Amen, balls to it, until we meet again next week… Go fuck yourselves.
Joe the Plunger
Om shitty motherfuckers!
First I would like to start this entry with an announcement. Under the circumstances, my followers are a bunch of useless shitheads when comes to collect funds in order to build a temple and do some self charitable work (and take my drug dealer of my back). So I am forced to use my sage qualities in order to raise money.
As from this sunday I am starting a new website: http://horoscolonoscope.weebly.com/ where I will dedicate myself to astrology. I will be doing weekly horoscopes to begin with , and then take it from there. So if it’s not too much to ask, can you shitheads at least pass the word around and let everyone know, and I may consider in giving some of you a prediction at a discount rate, if I happen to be in a good karmic mood, if not tough shit, you are out of luck. With that out-of-the-way, let’s get started and get over with, so I can then go and get stoned and listen to the “Subhumans”.
NOVUS CANNABIS POPULUS CONGEGRATIO
THE TANTRIC MUFF INN TEMPLE OF JOY
The basics & background
Yoga can be practised by anyone, regardless of age, race, sex, sexual orientation, physical ability, level of natural stupidity, political affiliation or emigrant status. But I created the Shitty Yoga style with the stoner, loner, alkie, junkie, bum, trump, schitzo, mong in mind. So you could say is a special needs type of yoga, but it can be practised by everyone else all the same.
In terms of what to wear, any old rag will do, as long as its loose, the looser the better, specially if you haven’t taken a shower in over a fortnight, let all the dirt come out of your pores. Just make sure if you happen to stink really bad to practise alone. And don’t forget, these lessons are designed for you to be your own instructor, so if you happen to injure yourself, you don’t know who I am, and you haven’t even heard of me, or I’ll get some heavies to beat the living crap out of you. As for place of Practise, any place will do. If you can crash and sleep, you can do Shitty Yoga.
All the Asanas in Shitty yoga, are designed to give you an illusion that they are actually beneficial to you while doing jack shit. In other words you wont see any improvement mentally, physically or spiritually, but you will feel just a chilled all the same, and you outlook in life will be more of; ‘Fuck it, why bother’!
One final note: One thing is for sure, after a good session of Shitty Yoga, food will taste better, drugs will kick a much better buzz, you will get drunk on less, sex, will last 30 seconds more than your average 2 minutes. The bad news is, you self-esteem will remain low, your confidence non-existent, and your IQ of one digit still. But you will learn to live with it, and not waste precious energy worrying about it too much.
ASANA OF THE WEEK
This asana is a variation or the previous ‘belly down’, so it also requires very little preparation, perfect for the total useless loser in life (I am really going easy on you as I don’t want you to get discouraged and tempted to commit suicide). The people who has been on a 3 day binge of crack cocaine will get the most benefit out of this pose.
Place your yoga mat in the first corner you can think you can chill without being interrupted.
Lay on top of it, with your belly up, make sure you have all your valuables well hidden as you are going to be gone to la la land for the best part of 5 hours, last thing you want to happen is waking up and find out your stash and money is gone.
Take a well deserved nap, and soak up the experience that Shitty Yoga brings you.
Wake up, take 5 xanax washed down with a fifth of vodka straight.
Go to bed crack one-off, and sleep till morning.
Well dear all, that is all for this week, I hope you will enjoy it as much as I am enjoying bullshiting you all. Have a blessed week.
George Carlin ‘Back in town’
“Why, why, why, why, why is it, that most artists who are against file sharing, are artists you wouldn’t wanna their shit for free in the first place huh?”
Joe the Plunger ‘Gonzo Times’
THE JOE THE PLUNGER MANIFESTO
File sharing & illegal downloading
As per usual, I am not here to make an elaborate point of view on the pros and cons of the file sharing on going dilemma, just put my plunger into it, and let the shit run free. So to me file sharing has the same problem as smoking Marijuana, I know its illegal, but… fuck you I wont stop doing it.
I am an old fucker, therefore I come from the ‘mixtape’ tradition of doing things, because I was poor and still am, so file sharing is just a move with the times way of doing things. Times are hard for everyone, so if the movie executives or great lords of the record industry cannot afford to buy a new latest model yacht, well fuck’em, because that’s what boils down too in the end of the day. They don’t give two shits about no one but themselves. They all sound like Mitt Romney, when they talk about the new artist, or the new actor, or the children under age and under paid in some factory packaging the stuff, as if they really care for them. They don’t, all they want is profit, and anything that cut in a way of profit, it’s a threat, and needs to be eliminated, well guess what? Times have changed so deal with it cock suckers.
I once saw a stand up comedian talking about it’s ok to eat meat as long as you eat meat from animals that commit suicide. If I was only to download music/movies from artists that are already dead, do you think the federation that makes these rules would be OK with it. Of course not, so there you have it, their argument on the new artist concern goes out of the window. The real working artist that is prepared to work for its art sees the benefits out of file sharing, it’s the shithead greedy fucker with no talent who is concern about.
A great deal of musicians who are not afraid of working for what they get, express their support for file sharing because that means selling more tickets for the concerts. Unless you are prick like Kirk Hammett of shit band Metalica, who not very long ago had the audacity the tell Rolling Stone magazine that; ‘We would like to tour less but can’t afford to live out of the royalties anymore…’. Oh bless your poor little heart. How I’d love to punch this pussy looking dickhead in the fucking face. So let me get my head around this; Last Metalica album went platinum 5 times, Metalica’s last world tour grossed something like 218 million, Kirk’s personal fortune is of 70 million, and Metalica can’t afford to stop touring? Please people, forget about Greece, Spain & Portugal bailout, lets all get some money together and bailout a bunch of talentless alcoholics headbangers, because they are in need, and maybe that way they can stop putting crap records out. I would download their music on principle if that racket was any good, but lucky for them they fucking suck, so I don’t want that pile of sonic pollution near my collection.
Metalica also showed in the past their disapproval towards file sharing, and they are not alone, as there are more talentless freaks to join the rooster, enters Elton John. When this old queen is not throwing punches at Madonna for being as shit as he is, he likes to go all menstrual about file sharing, another artist who is wasting his time as I hardly see him being affected by it, if you take into account has been at least 50 years since the last time he had a decent record out.
This list could not be complete unless we had some self-centered, head up his ass idiot like Bono to trow his weight around. The Messiah of Rock’n'Roll, who want to save the world with your wallet and leave his 600 million fortune out of it. Who the fuck is he trying to compete moneywise, the Vatican? The good old Live Aid was good for something after all, not much for Africa though, Africa still broke and starving as fuck, but not you Jesus Bono. Tell me something fuckface, when was the last time U2 had a good record out? Yes I know Bono, you are concern about the new artist, so much so, that your band keeps putting out the same reductant crap sound over and over again, crowding the market with re-releases, more and more expensive each time, you are all heart. You too pal don’t bother worry about illegal downloads, your records have been shite for the best part of 25 years.
Oh Sheryl Crow! Yes she needs to join the party. Darling, keep wiping your ass with one square of tissue then you can stink as much as your entire back catalogue… And then you have a load of nobodies making their voice heard like Lilly Allen, Gary Barlow or James Cunt (whatever his surname is). But the problem here is different, they really suck and they know it, so the only way to have people talking about them is by talking shit so people take notice on who they are. Still no matter how much noise you make, I still think you guys are crap, your records stink, and even if you paid me I wouldn’t want your music in my house, not fuck you and get lost.
And I only touched the tip of the iceberg here, there are more people to add here but fuck’em, I have better things to do they mention every dickhead in the music industry, recording artists or otherwise, to hell with them all, they are filthy rich and I am a broke ass punk.
One more last thing on the music, so we can move on onto something else, take a look at The Beatles back catalogue; Half the band is dead, and the person making the most money out of it is Yoko Ono???? Hello???? too fucking right I am downloading everything for free on principle. Sue me or blow me you no talent bitch.
Yet again as usual, I am rambling a whole lotta of nonsense, in every direction, making no sense at all, but hey, thats the way I like it, so stick with, after all I could easily put some links of some really good articles on the subject, but I rather have you here wasting your time with me, besides, you know how to do a google if you really want facts. I don’t do facts, I just plunge shit out, you know that so don’t complain about the stink. With that out-of-the-way, lets move on.
Hollywood and the movie industry in general are up in arms over file sharing too, something to do with the fact not much people are prepared to pay 50 or 60$ for a movie, soda & popcorn (if you don’t get laid at the end of that date, that’s what I call a crap investment). So poor old darling stars can no longer afford yet another mansion, swimming pool in the shape of a dick with twin testicular jacuzzies or organic fair trade crystal meth drug habits. But fuck me sideways, what do you expect, do we really need yet another Batman, Spiderman, or another remake of a movie that was crap on the first run???? Fuck you buddy, times are hard to pay for crap. So yes people are stealing and so am I, because that’s what comes down to, you sell disposable shit to people for a profit, and people take notice and wont pay for it, as simple as that.
In the end of the day, I too feel sorry for the honest, real artist, because they get affected more by competing with the so-called big names of the entertainment industry then from file sharing. Real artists they want to be recognise for their talent, and not for making a fortune out of their lack of it (yes Lindsay Lohan you talentless crack head I am talking about you).
Then you have computer games at 100$ a pack, horrendously overpriced software, windows and apples repackaging of the same old shit, not to mention the 349 thousand new pointless new recording stars that come out of stupid reality TV shows every 3 months, come on people, lets all get a new part-time job, just so we can afford to consume all this crap, you do that, as for me, I rather do a Robin Hood and steal what I can online or otherwise, because if you think I am here to pay for Nicky Minaj look like something my cat just trow up, or some celeb to buy an exotic brown baby because it matches with the color of her/his handbag, or Kanye West to act like a moron that he is, fuck you, nope, I steal… And so should you, like the great philosopher once said; ‘Steal bread, you’re a thief… steal a million, you’re a baron… Download of the internet and pay for it, you’re a fucking idiot, and you deserve to be ripped off’.
Plunger to the people
Joe the Plunger
THE NEW BABBLE
NOVUS CANNABIS POPULUS CONGREGATIO
THE TANTRIC MUFF INN TEMPLE OF JOY
teachings & principles according
His Holiness the shitty guru Horny Krishna
Namast…urbation & greetings children of the age of Aquarius!
First of all I would like to express my absolute discontent at the poor amount of funds I have been receiving. Fuck me guys even busking I can do better than that, how do you expect me to survive… er I mean, to build a Temple and become a proper supreme being with this kind of abandon and lack of dedication? I have high plans, but unless I get some serious conviction from my minions, this will never happen, so please, I know times are hard but that’s no excuse, stop being a bunch of tight bastards and come up with the goods you suckers.
Like I promise I have been working very hard at creating a non bible that will be known as ‘The new babble’. The religious texts that will set the foundations of the non religion: ‘NOVUS CANNABIS POPULUS CONGREGATIO’. Of course goes without saying I will only give here a very brief outline of the content, as I intend to sell copies at a very costly price in order to raise funds to build a holy place of worship (and my future residence), that will be known as my non church ‘THE TANTRIC MUFF INN TEMPLE OF JOY’.
While working on ‘The new babble’, I will designate this space for educational purposes on other fundamentals of the ‘NOVUS CANNABIS POPULUS CONGREGATIO’:
- Exercise = Shitty yoga – Every week I’ll be giving insight of all the important parts of shitty yoga; the asana of the week, what shitty yoga is about, what to expect and so forth.
- Breathing = Getting High – I will show you the best breathing exercises to get the most benefit out of your stash and how to get wasted for longer periods of time.
- Relaxation = Chilling out – The best music to chill too, the best movies to pretend you are busy, in all the best ways to do fuck all for long enjoyable lengths of time.
- Diet = Hemp Vegan Diet – I will show you the most delicious cruelty free foods prepared with my favourite plant parts (cannabis is my #1 lettuce); Sativa, Indica & Ruderalis. Not only will provide you with an all round balanced diet, it will also get you out of your fucking tree at the same time.
- Right positive attitude = Horny meditation – The art of doing nothing but thinking about things that makes you happy, while looking like you are doing something.
In a nutshell: A quick intro
If you don’t know what yoga is, well do a google find out and then get back in here, as I have no time or the patience to pamper your lazy ass. For those of you familiar with yoga, well Shitty Yoga is different on two very particular points. Point #1: Even though it’s a ripoff of all other forms of yoga just like any modern yoga style, Shitty Yoga was designed by me with the lazy stoner in mind. To fit his needs, his lifestyle, his physical capabilities and most of all his motivation (or lack of it) after a blunt. Point #2: Shitty Yoga is also my trade mark copyright brand. If you use it, copy it, borrow it, or in other words, have anything to do with it without consulting me first I will sue your ass for whatever I can get. I may be a con sage but I am not here to be taken for a fool, you feel me? In other words it’s a mind over matter lifestyle; If you don’t mind, you don’t matter.
More on this topic in the following weeks, as I don’t want to overload your pea brain with too much information in one setting, so I will give you now the asana (pose) of the week, and will move on to the next segment.
ASANA OF THE WEEK
This one is a very basic asana that requires very little preparation, ideal for the beginner and the more experient practitioner alike. People who got totally wasted on Tequilla the night before will get the most benefit out of this pose.
- Place your yoga mat in the most convenient and comfortable place you can find.
- Lay on top of it with your belly down, make sure you tell everyone you don’t want to be disturbed for the next 3 to 5 hours, as it can be hazardous to their health, if you happen to wake up in a lousy mood like most people do.
- Nap away till your heart’s content
- Wake up, take a shower, smoke a blunt, order a pizza.
Before I go into the breathing techniques, I think is best to talk about the different types of highs there are available to you, so you can choose the best one for the right mood, frame of mind, sexual activities, Shitty yoga, etc.
There are 3 putative varieties of this wonderful plant: Cannabis Sativa, Cannabis Indica & Cannabis Ruderalis. Cannabis Ruderalis is so fucking low in Cannabinoids its like hemorrhoids, a pain in the ass smoking that shit, so don’t bother wasting you time with it. Cannabis sativa is more of a mental high, and Cannabis Indica is more of a body high, on both cases, make sure you have plenty of food in the house, and that’s all you need to know.
Chilling out is a very important part of a person’s wellbeing, so it’s very important you have the right music, documentaries, movies, porn, books, comics, mags, website, blogs, etc. More on this topic as from next week, for now you know what to expect from this segment.
HEMP VEGAN DIET
If its true what they say ‘You are what you eat’, and if I am a ‘Tantric muffdiver’ , in all honesty I can say that I am a pussy. This space in the following weeks will be designated for all things; foods that gets you out of your trolley.
Positive thinking and a positive attitude in life plays a vital part in making a world a better place. And nothing more that contemplate in the things that turn you on (whatever your sexual orientation), even though it’s called THE MUFF INN TEMPLE OF JOY, I don’t judge and I am very open-minded about the world we live in, but fuck you its my temple and its named after what rocks my boat. If you eventually want to open a franchise (at a fee) called; THE COCK INN CRACK TEMPLE OF DELIGHT, I am cool with it.
Well my children I think I left you here enough for you to digest, until we meet again, have a blessed week, and don’t forget i need funds.
Om Shitty Om
THE JOE THE PLUNGER MANIFESTO
The war on drugs
What I’m about to say in the next few paragraphs, is nothing new to no one,, but fuck it, its my take on how I see the hypocrisy of the so-called ’war on drugs’. There’s no such thing as a war on drugs, but a war on illegal drugs, in order to push the legal ones for a larger profit to the fifth most powerful industry in the world, the Pharmaceutical industry. Now I don’t mind the bullshit, what really bursts my bladder is the fucking lack of consistency. Just like the war on terror (they killed Bin Laden, meanwhile cock sucking son of a bitch henry Kissinger enjoys retirement), Pharma is the cartel in white coats, who are not interested in cure, as there’s no profit in it. It’s all about finding new ways of removing the symptoms but leaving the cause, because that’s where the money’s at (no, you are not imagining, I’m an idiot, and I am full of shit, but if you manage to last this far, and still reading, you are no better than me and I wish I could feel sorry for you, but I gave up charity work a long time ago, so if you choose to keep on reading or kill yourself, the truth remains the same; It sucks to be you and me, lets deal with it).
Now if you read my last entry of the manifesto, you know I have no time for insurance companies, well, guess what? I trust doctors or any type of health department even less. If Pharma companies are the drug cartels of the legal drug trade, doctors and health professionals are nothing but drug barons/dealers taking backhanders for pushing the latest designer drug on the market, all coming out of glorified crack houses, better known to the public as pharmacies. With no regards for the patient whatsoever, load them with government approved drugs, turning sick people into barely functioning junkies. As long as they can pay, pile them with shit, keeping them sick and acceptably hooked in order to rely on them more and more. Whatever you do, please don’t die, that’s bad for business.
At this point I think its important to emphasize once more that I am not here to make elaborate statements about what’s wrong, how to solve it, give you facts, statistics, and whatever journalists use to fill their articles with, to make themselves seem more interesting. I am here for the ridicule and rant value mainly. If you are here looking to learn something or expect to find in-depth profound points of view, kiss my turd tunnel, you are in the wrong page pal, you wont find any of that in here. So as you know, if anything else I hope this last couple of paragraphs cheers you up a little bit, and makes you day more bearable.
The Pharma industry nowadays hates me, I take no meds for anything, and guess what?, there’s fuck all wrong with me, Why? I hear you asking, because I choose to be my own doctor; I have headache, I smoke a joint, I feel a bit low, I smoke another, I don’t have an appetite, I smoke a couple more, can’t get it up, a couple of tokes does the trick, its the wonder drug, I use it medicinally and recreationally, you don’t like it and that bothers you, go fuck yourself right off, I don’t give a monkey’s ass what you think, its my lungs and I burn them if I want to. No matter how much TV advertisement they put on for the latest crap, I just don’t take it, I choose pot over anything else always, in any shape or form. The pack of lies they put out to abolish competition is just ridiculous, and it’s not only about Cannabis, even about heath food stores and vitamins supplements, every day is a new study that proves vitamin X is bad for Y and supplement W doesn’t do whats suppose to… Fuck you shitheads, who the hell do you think I am?, Listen here, I used to drink 2 bottles of Vodka a day, washed down with 3 packs of cigarettes, plus hands full of whatever pills I could find, do you think the prospects of ODing on vitamin B12 or Zinc fares high on my list of concerns??? I don’t think so either.
We all know that crack, meth, heroin and countless other street drugs of that kind are dangerous and bad news, but so are Oxycontin, Vicodin, Percocet, prozac and a zillion of other legal types with catchy names. Dont worry I am not going to give you an in-depth of how pointless the war on drugs is, how unfair all the criminalization over Marijuana are, and all the dirty tricks of the Pharma industry to have their own way, there are already many books and documentaries on the various subjects, much better and more informative than I could ever try or hope to archive. But I can’t help to feel nauseous at putting a plant like cannabis amongst all the horrible drugs legal and illegal out there, when happens to be a plant with only plus points in its favor. and I can see their point, after all they can’t come up with a synthetic equivalent, so the healing properties must be really that good. But making up lies because profit in more important than saving lives, that’s just way bellow the belt. So Pharma pays and buys lobbyists, congress, senate, newspapers, blogs, journalists and fuck knows who else who’s prepared to lie for money, turning innocent people into criminals on a daily basis, because that’s all money in the bank. And of course, the police plays ball with it, why? Because cops are pussies. Who they rather arrest to justify their pay check, a Cheech Marin lookalike stoner buying a Pizza or a crack dealer with automatic weapons? With that in mind, I now declare a war on legal drugs and the Pharma industry.
That’s it comrades, I am starting a new political movement, the ‘GREEN TEA PARTY’. They can put the death penalty on pot smoking, I still wont stop. There’s no way to reason with greedy pigs, all I can do is say; ‘fuck’em, and hope they all die’. I am not asking for much, after all I don’t want Cannabis legal, nor controlled, just decriminalized (I hate the thought of paying tax on my drugs, fuck that). The world over needs a green tea party movement, enough is enough. For how much longer are you going to take this kind of crap from the powers of be, telling you what you can or cannot do. We need a green revolt, people have been trying for years, explaining these morons the value of hemp, how good it would be for the economy, better for people, better for the environment, but hey guess what?, It affects the darling 1% and they rule the world with money… If only these bastards stop for a second and looked and the potential of hemp alone never mind the THC. You can have almost any use for hemp these days: Hemp condoms, hemp ipads, hemp caviar, hemp toilet paper (so your asshole to get high too), you name it, hemp can provide an equivalent. Time for a green tea revolt, fuck the plunger I want a joint, I am rolling it, and I am fucking smoking it, and fuck you if you don’t like it. Potheads of the world, unite and fight. Die with pride, die for a blunt. We must demand an end to drug tests and let the world know that there are worse crimes than to smoke pot. Because I will smoke it till the day I die. Like i said i hate doctors and a joint a day… keeps the doctor away. I smoke pot and I am never sick, so I am right and Pharma is wrong. I hope I am not alone and more of you Join me for a plan of action. Leave me your suggestions, and let’s get started and get the green tea party off the ground once and for all. As there is more to be done, but one revolution at a time. Lets all unite and wage a war on legal drugs… JUST SAY NO TO PHARMA DRUGS, see if the fuckers like that.
Plunger to the people
Green tea party
Joe the Plunger
Namast… urbation! Children of the garden of Eden!
Before I start to really bullshit you all into becoming my undying followers, its only fair for a sage like myself to tell you the whole truth. If after that, you still stupid enough to fall for it, well it sucks to be you, take it on the chin and wise up as you are old enough.
Wake the fuck up you bunch of sad fuckers… There is no god, no sage, no big foot, no E.T., no Conde Dracula, if so I think you guessed… THERE ARE NO GURUS EITHER!, Not in a real sense, man made of course those are, but they don’t exist to help you, guide you or make your life better. They exist however to rob you, fuck you and then leave you at your on devices, in other words back at square one, but this time with a much lighter wallet, while this so call holy men/women live a life of luxury at your expense.
Gurus are man made gods for people who like to see, feel and talk to their gods. It validates better the crap they are paying for (damn I have been in the long line of business my entire life). All with one thing in common; mere mortals with a gift to talk themselves out of any situation and sell a fridge to an Eskimo. Preying on the vulnerable and ingenious mind, the desperate and the innocent, while hiding in most cases a very sordid lifestyle.
If you really want an in depth about what goes on behind the scenes of the so called ’Gurus’ there is an online free book on pdf format called “Stripping the gurus” by Geoffrey D. Falk that I highly recommend (Link as follow). http://www.strippingthegurus.com/index.html#stgtoc
So as an atheist I decided to be my very on higher power. Light a joint, get higher than the sun, I am my own guru. Do you want to follow this fucked up sage? Fine by me, just don’t expect that dream job, cure for cancer or a blowjob from Miss Venezuela, I will make you laugh with my bullshit but that’s about it… Om shitty suckers.
’Religion is for people who don’t want to go to hell. Spirituality is for people who already been through it’. Not sure who is the great mind behind this quote, but, as it happens I heard it once at an AA meeting. The fact of the matter is; if gurus are for people who don’t like gods, spirituality is for people who don’t like established religions. Very different approach in presentation and behaviour but both aiming at the same end result, make money out people with lies, deceit and whatever happens to be available at a certain point and time. Of course not all are bad, after all there are the ones who are 10 times worse, as their mercenary ways to get what they want are quite sickening to say the least. But if we were to compare, spirituality is more palatable that organized religion. Side by side Zen Buddhism with Scientology, Zen Buddhism is a philosophy with serious doctrine based on morals, values and principles, (unfortunately nowadays there are many so called Zen Buddhists, who are nothing more then ’Zen Bullshits’), whereas Scientology is a total fucking farce invented by a prick named L. Ron Hubbard, who even from the grave is one hell of a job creator. Thanks very much Hollywood.
With that im mind I will create my very own spirituality, and it will be interesting to see how many followers I will gain with it. Just keep an eye on this column as I establish my own spirituality. Based on a simple principle that I will follow no one, as am the real deal and everyone else is fake. Thus spoke his holiness the shitty guru Horny Krishna.
NEW AGE RELIGIOUS MOVEMENT
The new age religious movement is cashing in the same way the new religious movement has been for ages, don’t take my word for it, just do a google and the list goes on forever. If all this people can do it, why not a new supreme being my myself? I am in dudes, now that I have stablished my own spirituality I am starting my very own ‘NON RELIGIOUS MOVEMENT’. This is my plan, I am now thinking big here, for the next few entries on this column I will be giving you some insight of my new non religion, its principles, what stands for and what can do for me in the long run. But just like any other religious movement, its man made bullshit, but if you are stupid and gullible enough to fall for it. Fell free and join the party. Just like Jesus Christ or the Dalai Lama I am a simple and humble man, who doesn’t need much to be happy, I sleep good in any royal king size bed I can place my yoga mat on. Apart from that I only have my dick and my stomach to think about. In terms of material things all I care for is: Muff, weed & rock’n'roll.
Until next time dear friends (suckers); old, new and yet to come, I wish you joy, happiness and tofu big mac’s
Greeting comrades of the plunger revolution!
I would like to start my entry by giving congratulations to all my brothers and sisters in the Iberian Peninsula who took to the streets of Lisbon and Madrid last Saturday 09/29, to show the ruling classes their days are numbered.
I did my best to show solidarity from the other side of the Atlantic by organising my on local mass gathering. Unfortunately we could not match the numbers, but we sure made up for it with love and enthusiasm.
Otherwise, I really hope all of you had a good week and feel positive in your lives, as for me I am never content unless I am kicking against the pricks.
For the next few weeks I will be using this space to let everyone know where do I stand on certain issues, giving a bit of insight on my points of view before I start to really let reap the status quo apart the way they fucking deserve. So without further a do, ladies and gentlemen I give you..
THE JOE THE PLUNGER MANIFESTO
Health insurance/Life insurance
Lets start with health insurance, after all its one hell of a hot topic of our times. While I am waiting for my documentation to be finalized, I don’t have it, but I wonder if I am the one who is worse off. Take for instance my household, my wife has it thanks to her shit job at Wal-Mart, but then again, she already has 3 heart attacks to her name, so her heart is already a time bomb, add to that diabetes, blood pressure, breathing problems, and fuck knows what else. I see the pile of crap meds she needs to survive, I wonder what good is that doing for her, and she’s not the only one, everyone I see are on the same boat. Me on the other hand, I don’t have health insurance, but I need no meds for jack shit because there’s fuck all wrong with me. OK so it’s a bit of a gamble, but you know what, I have pocket aces, I am hot for my cards, fuck it, I’m going all in, if I have to choose, I rather take my chances, because I see all this insurance shit as one hell of a big scheme, that it pays off to keep you sick if you are poor.
I see the horrendous bills, and you all know the stories, its obvious, heath nowadays its only a name, no doctor is in the cure business no more, because keeping you sick is where the money’s at. First they tell you that’s part of you freedom to eat any old shit with a glossy advertisement, then comes meds design to keep you sick and just get rid of the bad symptoms, and make you just about functional enough to earn money to pay for an insurance that ain’t worth the paper it’s printed on, and finally the icing on the cake, you have to fork in the dough to pay your glorified drug dealer, the professional formerly known as doctor. Nice scum you have going there nobel people.
A few years ago I was working with an Australian guy who told me that it was cheaper for a Japanese business man to fly to Sidney to eat a lobster at a restaurant than to pay for one in Japan. Now I am not sure how truthful this is, but i can tell you this. Its cheaper for me to fly to the UK and see a doctor, then to go and see one over here. Even with all the changes, and the so-called ‘Obamacare’, things will never change much for the better of the working class. In a country ruled by the bible they rather let you die that help you. How very fucking Christian.
Now as for life insurance… Fuck you and suck my dick, hows that for a response motherfuckers?? So you rip people off in life and now you expect people to pay in advance for when they die? Well guess what I ain’t paying for shit, when I’m dead, deal with it. I will let you in on a secret and this you might find hard to believe but its the truth. When I fart it really stinks bad. Now if that’s me alive can you imagine when I am dead?, They will have to do something with me cause otherwise you’ll regretted for a long time. ‘Don’t let your loved ones to carry that responsibility’, fuck my loved ones, if they are stupid enough to pay for a fucking funeral, they deserve to be ripped off. I will never plan or pay for a life insurance EVER. What can you do sue me? I’d love to see that; ‘ Your honor I am dead, can I take the 5th on this one?’ What I can do and this as far as I am prepared to go is, leave you with a list of suggestions, what to do with me after I’m gone.
#1- I wish I could be an organ donor, but after all I smoked and drank over the years, poor fucker who get my liver of lungs on that raffle. He/she wont live long enough to ask for a refund, so #1 is out of the question I’m afraid.
#2- My wife works at Wal-Mart, therefore she has a staff discount card, she can buy a cheap and cheerful shovel, dig a hole in the backyard. Voila, job done.
#3- If the Raccoons don’t eat my remains, she can always use it as fertilizer to grow some carrots and potatoes.
#4- She can sell me to a hemp farmer to use me as a scarecrow in a ganja field, part of the deal, he has to glue a joint in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other… Just in case.
#5- I’m not gay, but I don’t mind take it in the ass after I’m dead, so I can be donated to a group of homo necrophiliacs.
#6- An extra at ‘The living dead’
#7-________________________________________________Fill the blank space with your suggestions.
Until we meet again a good week and PLUNGER TO THE PEOPLE!
Joe the Plunger
Trinity Church Wall Street may be a nice place, but try waking up there. Not in the church, seems they have outside corporate interests that would prevent them from publicly helping anti corporate protesters. But the sidewalk outside, by the graveyard. Seems the proper place for a group that marches through Manhattan trying to make a better world. Thanks for thinking of that whole “casting out the money changers’ thing you bastards always preach. Hypocrite.
Not like the night before wasn’t a night of Chaos!!!!
But today is a new day. Wake up, drag our asses and our backpacks from Trinity Church to Foley Square. Due to the concept of occutime, we were not late. Occutime is however, a frustrating concept for those who are at least on time. Ten am event starts 1030. Event in question? Education and planning committees. Not my thing. AT ALL!
You guys have fun with that. I have other serious work to do. Article. Charging batteries for the livestream. Coffee. It’s been a rough night of sleeping on the streets on New York City, at a protest site with the damned Swine watching us and over us. Never a break from Badged Bacon.
Planning and education, for most of us who have been doing this for a year, is infuriating. We got this shit, and the plans never work out right. But, this is a new model of democracy. A new way of getting shit done.
Fuck that, the anarchists and the media don’t care. Oh wait, the Times and the like do, as they like to see us fail. Or at least report that we have. Until we fall apart. That’s why Occupy has a dedicated media team of people that follow and travel occupy for as much of a living as we can scrape by. Some maybe do better than others. But whatever, we are occupiers, and we take care of each other. That’s what we do. A horizontal movement where everyone head back to Lie has a job and something to say.
But fuck planning. From what I know from Mike Bloomberg’s thugs and swine, planning only can get you so far. Because those fuckers have it all figured out. At least according to them.
What do we know, so happy of what we want, we keep going,. The swine keep going on. Our Marches mean arrests. Our lives of freedom mean pain. This is not why we are here.
Tens or our brothers later, what the fuck is this. Another day where our voices mean nothing. Another day where the Swine kill us. Fuck the Swine. We March on. Fuck the swine. Fuck the swine.
ARIVE. There is nothing. What the fuck is this. The NYPD is just worse that a filth pen. We have rights.
There is no idea of realism. This is too surreal. Too weird.
The NYPD is nothing more than SWINE. Rights. These fucks don’t know rights, These sidewalks, crammed in to keep others safe, well fuck you. Know what an idea of safe is fuck you NYPD you can kiss our ass, you have no idea, just want to arrest us, you can only arrest an idea, and have nothing, another camera will kill your arrest, we are the the idea, so fuck you, NYPD, you are swine, so join us, join our cause, we are the ideal
You protect those that kill your pension, you understand, so join us NYPD, You are just swine!!! Lets celebrate! And
Fuck it, kill the beat.
It’s just a dance…
“A ANTI Capi Taa Lista A Anti Antica PITALISTA” And is Goes on and on and on… In The Streets On and on…. and on and on and…. on”
Then there was a dance, A Dance, Another Dance, a dance.
Are you Kidding…
Its my birthday
Go Fuck Yourself
New York Swine
Hi Its Our Birthday
Occupy Wall Street
What are these wall street white shirts doing following me like some kind of Terrorist
I’M A FUCKING JOURNALIST MAN!!! THE PROTESTORS ARE OVER THERE
Seriously, this prick has been giving me dirty looks for 10 fucking blocks
If you are going to arrest me, arrest me, but seriously, just doing my job, and I’m not interfering with yours.
Ugh, another blocked intersection. That was the point of the day, but hell, we wanted to do that. Chalk another victory handed to us by the Swine. This is way too easy. Thanks officer.
Back at Broadway. Back to Zuccotti. Interesting that every time we get back, we rally for another action, then we feel lost. Where is our original group? The cops are good at splitting us all up, but this is getting annoying. Sitting down finally, looking at this giant red cube and the “Tripod Fucking” attempt at art, I see some people I know from earlier in the day:
“What now? Where to from here, anyone know what’s going on?”
“I’m tired, hungry and thirsty, and protesting here is a mess. I miss DC” Said one of OccupyDC’s members.
Someone from NYC comes up to us “Big rally down bu the bull! Head down to Bowling Green!”
Looking down Broadway towards where the bull was, all I see are white shirts, protestors, and a lot of loud messages about sidewalks and streets. It just seems like confusion is the name of the game.
Roll another cigarette, chug the red bull, we head off to Bowling Green, hoping to not piss off anyone and enter the Swine’s injustice system.
Which was actually one of the easiest walks I’ve taken here so far.
“So we going to the bull or what? Gonna kick the bull in the nuts or what”, Thanks for the ideas Chino.
In front of the American Indian Museum there is a large rally. People from the Green Party, Reverend Billy and the Church of Stop Shopping, The Anarchist Alliance are all there giving speeches and pumping this crowd up.
“If you see a cop say ‘A COP!!!” screams a protestor, pointing at 2 no necked buzz cuts pushing obvious police issued bikes through the crowd. I actually thought that NYPD would have invested something in undercovers, but I was wrong. These are obviosly cops.
And a chorus of yelling and finger pointing ensues… these two undercovers disappear through the crowd and out the other side, knowing that we are a little smarter than they think.
Over to Bowling Green Park, where the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island are visible from the coast. Instead of the midday planning meetings, and a desire to get a way for a second, I leave that boredom to those who believe planning these things in detail works (were any of you here this morning? Plans + NYPD= CHAOS!!!) I walk to the coastline there and have a little prayer to Miss Liberty;
“We are working on it still hun. Right over here in the park we are still fighting, and will will always be fighting. We love you, and bless us if you can. We need all the help we can get not just for today, but all week, and all throughout this next year.”
I’d like to think she smiled, as the tourists, bewildered and sometimes angered by the motley group at the entrance to the park yelling and who knows what else, gave me evil looks or just rolled their eyes. Kinda wondering when something bad will happen to them, or something will happen to open their eyes to why we are here. Life is perfect for you now, but you might want to get some practice sleeping on the streets. Your day will come too.
Back to the park, and we are off to the march. March to where? Missed it, and ya gotta love those impromptu autonomous marches that just up and leave. I head back to Zuccotti,, meet some friends, and right now, we can think of only one thing. Nerves are shot. Sick of the leering glances by horny to arrest swine. This is just getting ugly. It’s not supposed to be us versus the cops. It’s supposed to be us versus Wall Street. It’s not Occupy the Jails. It’s Occupy Wall Street.
I’m going to occupy the bar. Food is needed. Beer is needed. A time to sit, reflect and rest. Just an hour away from the madness.
A time to sit and think, about what this is we are doing. Should we keep up these marches? Is it doing any good? It is our one year birthday party, and the only thing that has changed is that we don’t have tents? No we are only a year old. This still isn’t going to be as fast as getting a big mac. This will take longer than a year. We know what’s coming. We know how this works. They have stopped laughing at as. Some even know the joke is on them. We know we have nothing to lose. Right now the only way we are winning is we can still breathe, and we can still sleep. We will always dream. We will always be there. We just want justice and truth. We need a bigger sign.
CONCORD, NH – The state of New Hampshire has laid out new plans to privatize the state’s the entire road system amidst last year’s massive cuts to the state budget.
Last month, the State House passed the Roads Privatization Act by an overwhelming majority. Proponents of the bill have advocated road privatization as a means of cutting taxes, which, they claim, will provide boosts to the local economy.
“These acts make perfect sense economically speaking,” said State Rep. Bob L. Freeman of Manchester, the main author of the bill.
“Every dollar that’s taxed would be better spent somewhere else. Forcing people to pay for roads through taxation is just like breaking a window to jumpstart the economy. The government makes me pay for a road even though I never asked for a road, and we get a public road, okay, that’s what’s seen. But I might really have wanted to spend that money on a fifth car or a new summer house or tuition to send my daughter to Choate and now I can’t. That’s what’s not seen.”
Freeman added, “I say, let the market handle this situation.”
The new act will enable private persons and companies to homestead individual roads once the government relinquishes ownership. From there, each road will be owned and maintained by the individual or company in question.
Amanda Liberty of Keene campaigned for the bill for years before rejoicing at the news of its passing. She said road privatization will have a positive effect on the region’s communities.
“I think roads in our state have become a tragedy of the commons,” said Liberty. “I mean, does it make sense to keep making us pay for road maintenance when they’re just going to break down anyway since so many people drive on them? It’s going to be much better when we have toll booths on every road in the state. Traffic will go way, way down, so we will never have to deal with any more traffic jams on I-93 during our daily commute. Free market roads might even lessen global warming. And if you’re a bad driver and I don’t want you driving on my road, I can hire police to kick you off. It’s a win-win all around.”
Penelope Ferguson, a 71-year old lifetime resident of Amherst, said she was delighted at the new bill.
“Have you ever driven through downtown Nashua lately? There are way too many poor people and brown people who think they’re entitled to roads,” she said. “I’m sick of being stuck in traffic behind 10-year old Hyundais driven by Brazilians fresh-off-the-boat every time I try to drive into town to go to my favorite restaurants. All those cheap ugly cars are an eyesore and it will do the state a lot of good to get them off the roads once we privatize them.”
“Roads are not a right. If you’re too poor to pay upfront, you shouldn’t be using them. Get the poor off the roads.”
Proponents of the privatization insist that NH citizens who are concerned about the implications of road homesteading need not worry. Private ownership of roads will be far more efficient, they claim.
“What we know from all of history is that government can’t be trusted with anything,” said Freeman. “There is a huge economic calculation problem that socialists who advocate for government-owned roads don’t see. It can be proven that absentee landlords and private businesses will do a much better job handling roads than any set of bureaucrats. And let’s not forget that taxation is violent. Everything the government does is basically an act of war. Private companies and landlords are 100% peaceful. No one forces you to pay them like the government.”
Freeman added that moves are already in the works to extend privatization to the state’s rivers and lakes. He expects privatization to be a magnet for businesses who would want to own such pieces of land and set up in a low-tax state.
“Who knows? Maybe in ten years, we’ll start seeing some ocean privatization off New Hampshire’s coast,” he said.
The auctioning off of roads is set to begin at an undisclosed time next spring.
Selling to Minors
It’s quite easy nowadays,
selling to minors.
Here comes the parade.
Thrift store crash of psychopathic characters.
Infinite crazy explosions,
rolling out on neurotic love waves.
It’s the last hurrah,
filled with jeers, and cheers, then tears.
Cannons fire filling the air with Pop Rocks
and cotton candy confetti.
The kids are satiated.
Some of the kids in their skinny jeans,
had to make room in their drawers when they shit themselves.
It all becomes a cheap action film,
getting cheesier with every little big death.
Where is Charles Bronson when you need him?
Burt Lancaster, Kirk Douglas?
The jugglers continue juggling,
and the clowns still honk their noses.
I still gnash my teeth.
I looked in the mirror this morning and saw my grandfather’s eyes staring back at me.
By Shawn Blevins
- Wealthy bankers get wealthier as home foreclosures go up due more people mortgaging their
homes for gas money.
- Gen X becomes the dominant generation as Obamacare death panels kill more than half of
- Lindsay Lohan gets clean and the Obamacare deficit comes out of the red.
- Mel Gibson becomes the front running presidential candidate for the Republican Party in 2012.
- Mel Gibson becomes the front running presidential candidate for the Democratic Party in 2012.
- President Obama announces that Tiger Woods will be his new personal assistant due to his
ability to multitask.
- In a protest against the United States immigration policy Cheech Marin is arrested for leading a
mass migration of Mexicans in a charge across the California border.
- Marijuana reform laws sweep across the United States. Frito Lay becomes the nation’s leading
- It is revealed that John McCain is zombie and has actually been dead for about ten years.
- Gonzo Times is shut down due to provoking critical thinking in the realm of politics.
The pitfalls of at- will employment and how to protect yourself:
I have worked since I was ten years old. I mowed grass, raked leaves, and shoveled snow. I did chores for my mother. I had a paper route. I helped older people I knew move. I worked for “rent a kid”. No it wasn’t a child sex slave operation. It was an agency run by a nonprofit organization to assist the elderly with tasks they were no longer able to do.
I liked working. I made money, felt a sense of accomplishment, and generally the people I worked for were grateful. We all have to work. We all have to make money to have three hots and a cot, but the real nature of the world of work is so cut throat that one can enter the workforce and succeed without becoming a sycophant or crook. Many people end up doing both, which is a sad reality of the world.
It is the near future and we are entering world war III. After raping the middle east and slaughtering countless human beings for cheap oil to support the pocket books of oil tycoons, bankers, Wall Street and the politicians, they found that there just wasn’t enough to support their 50 mph lifestyle and suburban sprawl. Instead of going to a more natural 3 mph architecture and a sustainable lifestyle they decided it was time to hunt down the dictators of the world. Any country producing oil and not selling it to them at slave labor wages had to be a dictator.
They knew why they were waging their war so they preached murder in the name of liberty. Only, this time nobody bought it. The people were not ignorant and easily persuaded by the rhetoric of a false sense of patriotism to support the wealth of the ruling class. The poor did not answer the call. They did not enlist. The poor stayed home.
It was time for the bankers and politicians to fight the wars they sold the public on in the centuries before. Those in power would have to get their hands dirty with the blood of innocents directly. They could no longer hide behind the poor to kill for them.
Congress got the call. Every cabinet and every banker, oil tycoon and board member. Every wealthy fat cat that had promoted war for the liberty to continue stealing the wealth of nations got the call. They did not have to waste countless billions on the bullshit propaganda because they knew what they were fighting for. They were shipped off to Parris Island. They lined up on the yellow foot prints. They were humiliated and led into training to learn just how they had to murder to keep their filthy wealth and blood money.
The poor stayed home and laughed at them on their T.V. screens. They did not have to lie to the public because they knew just what they stood to loose. They were ready to destroy lives in Venezuela, Russia, and the Sudan. They knew that the other country that was using their oil was ran by dictators who did what they did. But, these countries were dictators because it was someone else doing what only they could do because they did it for patriotism and under the false name of liberty.
The senators got to carry the weapons and murder. The senators got to die for the cause they feel so much needed someone to die for. They spoke of how war was horrible and how they did not support it then they sent our boys off to their death for profit before. They spoke of how hard of a decision it was for them to make. They spoke of how we needed to keep our country free from Mexicans and Muslims. Now was their chance to show us just how much we needed the liberty they brought through murder.
They got their chance to ‘die for their country’. After a while a few realized just how bad of an idea it was for them to murder to maintain their wealth. But they knew pulling out would only admit defeat so they continued to walk into the line of fire. They continued to blow themselves up and others also. They couldn’t admit defeat and they could not let it look like they were wrong.
They sat in the trenches writing letters home to their lawyers and board members. They picked up the human remains. They got to take those lives directly. They got to learn just what kind of an impact their actions truly had on the world.
Every time they watched one of their fellow elite murdered they realized that just left more wealth for them. They began to cannibalize each other so they could return home with the oil they killed for and the extra suburban homes and BMW they knew they would get from the estate sale of their fallen comrades.
They took the paychecks of the PFC’s they would send to be slaughtered, and the inner city youth they would get their bloated fat checks. After paying pennies to the poor to die and murder they would now receive pennies to die and murder. Since they felt that sitting home and waging wars was where the money was they no longer brought in the billions.
In an odd turn of events back home without their oppression, tyranny and waste the people cut them off of the checkbooks. They cut them off of any decision they felt they should make. The people were too busy improving their way of life, economy and the issues that mattered to them. When their wars were done the ruling class started to come home but nobody wanted them there. They were not aloud to come back to the profit of their murder. They were asked to go live in Darfur so they could experience the genocide and oppression they were so happy to oversee.
The people decided that they would let the bankers, oil tycoons and politicians live in the world they attempted to create for the rest of us. If that was what they wanted so bad they could have it. Sure, occasionally we would hear about the genocide and mass murder of bankers, oil tycoons and politicians in some third world country, but they showed us that murder was regrettable but just not something to oppose, so we let them live that reality out for themselves.
This year State and local law enforcement in cooperation with the Federal Government want to make certain everyone has a happy Halloween. So to ensure your holiday goes well as planned the benevolent state will be introducing a few new regulations. Don’t think of them as restrictions, mandates or demands. Think of them as the liberty to be happy, free and safe.
We still want you all to pass out candy to the children, but make sure you are doing so legally. There will be a rigorous screening process for all individuals who wish to pass out sweets. This is to ensure that everyone is safe and that there are defined rules to keep tragedies from occurring. The licensing process is only Thirty Five dollars and that is to cover the license itself and background checks. We want all people to have the liberty to get treats without the evil tricks. This will be a precaution to make certain that no more razor blades show up in our candy apples, and that we can celebrate a wonderful Halloween without aids infected heroine needles hidden into your popcorn balls. Experts are predicting a record high amount of acid in stickers this year for the poor little kiddies, so watch out. All residents will be mandated to display all licensing paperwork in a well lighted area on the front porch visible to all trick or treaters or state employees posing as trick or treaters.
Zoning restrictions will be placed on local city websites as well as costs and restrictions for house zoning for all participants. The cost to have your home properly zoned by the state will not be included in the licensing process, but must be completed before licensing. This will most often run $150 – $300 depending on the state employees salary.
Parents be vigilant, and don’t miss out. Your must get your trick or treat permits before October 1st to ensure the permit has enough time to reach you in the mail. You must be able to display your trick or treating permit at the time of trick or treating. There is a small safety test that must be passed before being permitted to take your children trick or treating.
And lastly because we want an extra safe and extra fun Halloween we will make sure that thousands of state police are patrolling the area dressed in non-threatening costumes as not to alarm or frighten anyone. All officers will be looking for unlicensed trick or treaters and unlicensed candy distributors. Distributing candy or begging for candy without licenses can face fines up to eight thousand dollars and up to five years in prison. Have a Happy Halloween.
Not really, but I won’t be shocked in 2012 when it happens…
Have a safe and Happy Halloween from Gonzo Times this year…